I've come to believe that there may be no such thing as "acting one's age." Fact of the matter is, there is maturity and immaturity and I suppose the common theory is that if your being immature, you're not acting your age. Right? Can anyone confirm that for me? Because I'm 30 and I am still incredibly immature about many things. Is this why adults see therapists? Probably. It's just that certain things in this world I find unfair, and said unfair things make me want to stomp my feet and throw things, and I'm pretty sure that isn't going to be any different when I'm 80 - except that if I throw things then, the closest thing to throw will be my walker, and I'll probably fall down and break a hip and then I'll be even more mad but I'll have fallen and won't be able to get up and ... well you see where that goes.
Relationships. I was told once that behaving like a 12-year-old was never going to win me a 33-year old. I have to examine my own motivations. Am I actually out there trying to win? Is it really a game? Like winning a stuffed toy in a carnival? Like oh hey, congratulations, we'd like to present you with this bachelor! Would the second-place finisher end up with a shorter one with bad fashion sense? The consolation prize, a cross between Mini-Me and Rolf the Muppet.
A friend recently told me that those little waves of emotion we have really become tsunamis if we don't let them out, but all too often I feel like my questions have already been answered, my fights fought. I'm completely conflicted between the way a person is supposed to behave when they love someone, and the way they behave when they don't. What that means: I'm a jerk.
And no, it doesn't have to make sense to anyone else. It's my blog, and I needed to vent.